A series of unfortunate events is what seems to construe my life. It’s as if my world has been kicked off its axis. In the last several months, my character has undergone major construction. It almost feels like I am having an outer body experience. I see myself saying and behaving in ways I can’t seem to recognize. There are so many unanswered questions. Is it me growing as a person? Is it just me building tougher skin?
I once heard from a not so reliable source I might add, that if you tell yourself a lie over and over again, soon enough you will recognize it as the truth. This might be the case. Whether it be a lie about my romantic life or my general happiness, these last 4 years have left me in shock. At the end of the day, I find myself convincing myself of emotions and ways to view situations rather than taking the route of my natural inclination.
Overall I will be going through a detailed analysis of my college experience A to Z; which means from the time I started greek life to my so-called romantic decisions. I don’t know if this will give me the answers I’m looking for, however I need to start somewhere. I need to try to uncover the secrets I have purposely blocked from myself because I am utterly confused if the person I am today is worse or better from the moment I started at YCP. All I know is that it’s evaluation time and I have a deadline of exactly 2 months to figure it out.
You make me want to be the best version of myself. You unknowingly make me stay up late and picture what life would be like together. Most of all you make me have hope, which might be the most frightening thing of all. However, how do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it’s time to walk away. You could be the best thing for me or the worse, but frankly I know I’ll never find out. You might single handily be my “what if” and living with that will be hardest part.
I’m in a manic state of mind where I contort my reality to make it seem as if every decision is a triggering effect to my impending doom. It’s enough to drive the wisest man to insanity and the most foolish man to think himself a sophist.
I am without a doubt on the road to self discovery. Most notoriously known as the road to self destruction. Most noted as the road to ruins.
There is no turning back, no emergency exist. All within my means is a plunge into the unknown.
Life is at its peak. So grab your strongest form of self-medication because it’s about to be a bumpy ride.
I wish you could just fast forward to the time where you know you’ll look back and laugh on how you silly your currently being.